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Jag har diagnoser efter trauman i mitt liv.
Jag skäms inte över dem, förutom då dem tar över och jag tappar kontrollen och inte kan bete mig så som samhället eller jag själv vill.
Jag hatar när demonerna knackar på, förvirrade tankar och ångest. Självskada och en förvriden bild av mig själv, min kropp och verkligheten.
En verklighetsuppfattning som är krackilerad, feltolkningar i allt vad andra säger.
Ibland önskar jag att jag inte behövde vakna mer. Att det bara gick att stänga av livet. Ibland undrar jag varför jag är så "feg".
Andra gånger tänker jag på min festman och min familj och älskar att ännu en dag få vakna upp och andas.
Att aldrig få må bra är ett öde och straff värre än döden.
Att ständigt måste kämpa för att sätta den ena foten framför den andre.
Att inte få någon hjälp och att vardagen är så mycket svårare än för många andra.
Alla dessa yttre omständigheter river sönder min själ.
Varför måste jag fortsätta andas???
Jag vill inte dö!!!
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